im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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