i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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