They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
