mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I cut my penus on the lid.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
