It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
