i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
