Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
