I hate your face
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
