Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
zippers are such a cool invention
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
