that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i now understand why vodka
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
