I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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