Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You have to summon your inner elephant
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
