just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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