I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
