Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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