he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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