allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
