The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Randomize
