I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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