No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
