Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
