Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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