To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
