I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
