i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
sex in a hospital.. check
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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