I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
