You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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