Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
