I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
