I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
