The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
