The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You've changed since you got that strap on
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
