Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
