I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
