Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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