how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
50% drunk capacity currently
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize