dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
