When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
birth control should be required to get into college
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
