Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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