Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
