Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
