I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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