So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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