like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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