i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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