I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
