I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
