I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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