Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
