Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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