he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
