What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
