Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
