I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
