apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Randomize
