I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
