god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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