Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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