toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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