I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
