We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
