Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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