I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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