Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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