This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
