holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
