you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
