sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
