Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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