Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
