It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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