why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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