Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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