Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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