For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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