Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
