Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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