I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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