told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
