I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
