I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
