See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
