even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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