If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
