yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize