it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
