Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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