Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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