yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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