Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
is wine microwaveable?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
