Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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