Welp...herpes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
