so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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