so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
did i just pee glitter
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
