If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize