Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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